My daydreams about being skinny are always interrupted by the sound of me chewing cookies.
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I love summer
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Things you will find in the bottom of a Mom’s purse
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The truth may hurt for a little while while but a lie hurts forever
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A year ago, I would’ve never pictured my life the way it is now.
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They’re called MAN HOURS because a woman would have had it done in 20 minutes
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Sometimes I look at my husband and think… “Wow, you’re one lucky man”
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Keep Calm and Pretend it’s not Monday
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Sisters are the perfect best friend
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I need some beach therapy
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Do something today that your future self will thank you for.
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9 times out of 10 kids get their awesomeness from their mother.
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Shoe buying logic drawing
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Growing old isn’t for sissies!
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You can’t buy happiness but you can buy ice cream
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Wouldn’t it be so great if we could put ourselves in then dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and 3 sizes smaller.
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Today’s projects have been canceled you are free to go back to bed.
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To heck with beauty sleep… I want skinny sleep!
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In My House
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True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people together
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I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors and photographs.
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Dogs are not our whole life but they make our life whole.
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If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
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I ate healthy and exercised today. I better wake up skinny tomorrow!
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Pilates? O heavens no! I thought you said “pie and lattes”
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Dear fairy Godmother, Do you think you could bippity-boppity-boo me back into my 17 year old body that I thought was so fat? Thanks
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When something goes wrong in your life just yell “Plot Twist” and move on.
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Parenthood: The biggest on-the-job training program in existence.
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I’m Possible
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By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she’s wrong
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He said the spark between us was gone so I tasered him to see if that would help.
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How do you cultivate passion? You find something you’re willing to die for … then you live for it.
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To my family: If I had to choose between loving you and breathing… I would use my last breathe to tell you “I love you!”
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My relationship status is sweatpants, Oreos and Netflix
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There is no way to be a perfect mother … but a million ways to be a good one.
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I don’t want to brag or make anyone jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school!
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